Wednesday, July 24, 2013

WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME TO FALL IN LOVE?

To begin with, I used to ask myself if I’m really in love, or am I just happy? I have posted on my blogspot account why I am too scared to fall in love.. Well, technically, I am not afraid to fall in love, I have always been in love with the thought of being in love, and with fairytale. I believe that somewhere out there, a knight in a white horse will just grab me from this dark reality and live a happy ever after life with me. What I am really scared of, well not the witch –if you say so, but the PAIN from falling in love and being left alone in the middle of the happy ever after. Makes sense? I know, I know.. People always say that you’re not really  in love if you’re not ready to get hurt. I mean, in reality… LOVE COMES WITH PAIN! They always come in pair. And that’s what I am really scared of… The pain that love may have caused me. I am so weak when it comes to emotional pain.

I have been in love twice in my life. They became my boyfriends. YES, I suffered from extreme pain… That’s why I am too scared of being committed with someone, and being madly in love. When I love, I looooove. The love at its extreme meaning, and finest sense, that is how I love. Well, at least before… I don’t know now. Now, do I make sense here? From justifying why I am afraid of being so in love and of being committed with someone?

But who would have thought.. After three long years of avoiding that love and pain, which I said are always partners, Cupid did his thing and struck me using his bow and arrow—yes, even if it’s not February, yet. After years of waiting, I can really say that I AM IN LOVE! I usually ask myself if what I am feeling is love, and everytime I ask myself, I always get NO as an answer… Not this time! Before I told him that I love him, something happened that really made me realize that THIS, what I am feeling, is LOVE. I thought that this is TOO SOON, but I’d rather put it this way.. WHAT IF THAT TOO SOON IS TOO LATE? The last thing I want to happen is to lose him. So before that TOO SOON became TOO LATE, I told him I love him. That leads me with my title, WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME TO FALL IN LOVE? My answer is.. THERE IS NO RIGHT TIME. LOVE ALWAYS COMES AS A SURPRISE. The only question that you need to ask to know if you’re in love is… DO YOU FEEL THAT IT’S TOO SOON TO FALL IN LOVE? (ANSWER) If you said YES, then what will you do tomorrow if something happens to the one you love? Regret? Then, that TOO SOON should not be considered. If you won’t regret a thing if something happened to him/her, then you’re not in love. On the other hand, if you answered NO, then we don’t have to argue anymore.šŸ˜„

I would love to share our story, but we are just starting to create memories, so there are still tons of mem’ries out there that I have yet to collect. Maybe few months from now, I could blog about us. After all, we are not yet official couple.

NOT OFFICIAL? Yes, we are not yet there. Sad, I know, but things are just so complicated on my part. Yes, we have that term of endearment, we say “I love you” and “I love you too” to each other, and we talk everyday, so what’s this? I really don’t know. As much as I want to say that this is US, I’d rather say that this is HIM AND ME. Unfair? I guess it’s somehow unfair on his part, but I don’t know.. this is me.. Just the thought of entrusting my happiness to a person scares me. What if I let him be in-charge with my happiness, and then he decided to leave me? I’ll be stuck and get lost. I don’t want that to happen. OR MAYBE IT’S THE DISTANCE? ‘cause you know, we’re more than 4,000 miles apart. Maybe I’m scared that when he’s here, everything will change, and I’ll end up wishing that he’s in my monitor again. I DON’T KNOW. Now, I know I’m not making any sense here. SORRY.

I know. I know. LOVE IS ALL ABOUT TAKING RISKS, but I am not totally ready to entrust everything to him. I’d like to be in-charge of my emotions. This decision of not committing with him doesn’t mean that I don’t love him that much. I love him so much, that I am too scared to lose him. I want to be sure that what we have will last for a lifetime. I want to live every tomorrow with him. I want to spend the rest of eternity with him. It may sound too soon for these, but he made me realize that in love, there is no too soon, and I don’t want to end up saying that it is too late..

I love him. I am giving him an authority to hurt me, but I am trusting him no to. He’s worth the wait, and I believe, will be worth every tear, and every pain, in the future.
LOVE JUST SURPRISED ME. BELIEVE ME, FRIENDS, IT WILL SURPRISE YOU TOO. MAYBE IT’S LOVE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR RIGHT NOW.. GOOD LUCK!šŸ’•

Cupid Just Struck,
blairyrandom

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